How to Survive Christmas
If peace on earth and goodwill to all doesn’t sound like your usual family Christmas, then you are not alone.
So it is hardly surprising that January is traditionally one of the busiest times of year for both family solicitors and Relate as couples try to decide whether they can stay together.
That’s why the Living Together team at Foot Anstey Solicitors have joined forces with Relate to create our top tips for achieving a peaceful Christmas.
Before Christmas
- Negotiate how time will be spent; try to understand the position of others, ask lots of questions and know what you are prepared to negotiate and what you won’t give up.
- Talk realistically about spending. Money causes lots of arguments between couples so agreeing on a budget for Christmas in advance helps avoid a row.
- Presents can give a powerful message in a relationship – but it may be a message you didn’t intend. Try to choose a gift for a person that reflects the flattering way that they see themselves and not, perhaps, your more mundane view of them.
- Spend time talking about the best and worst Christmases you’ve had together in the past and how you can learn from them. Reach an agreement about how everyone can spend their time well in advance.
How to cope without the children
- If you are spending Christmas without your kids then think of ways to keep in touch with them. Use text messages, email or even a web-cam if you have one, or simply send them a letter to be opened at a special time on Christmas Day.
- Talk to your children about what Christmas will be like for everyone if you won’t be together. Reassure them that you will be fine even though you will miss them, and encourage them to enjoy themselves.
- Liaise with your ex-partner and buy gifts of similar values for the children.
- Be honest with each other about the arrangement to see the kids – and make every effort to stick to the agreement.
DON’T:
- Don’t be afraid of creating your own traditions – live in the Christmas present, not the Christmas past. If you’re in a new relationship it will be different this year so think positively about the new things for you all to do together
- Don’t overdo your alcohol intake. Remember alcohol suppresses your inhibitions as well as acting as a depressant. It can make you feel and say things that you do not mean.
- Don’t use your children to score points off other people, be genuine about wanting your children to enjoy themselves.
- Don’t be afraid to explain yourself more fully; where people don’t know each other so well, it’s really important to be open, honest and considerate.
Most importantly, remember Christmas is only a very short period of time in a year; it is what happens for the rest of the year that really matters. Good luck!
Published 27/11/2007. The author of this article is Tamara Richardson
